Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
For years, Eid in our house was synonymous with a specific kind of dread.
I followed all the standard advice. I bought the matching fancy outfits, planned the elaborate “fun” activities other parents raved about, and spent days in the kitchen preparing special Eid cookies and desserts. I was desperate to make Eid magical for my children. But the harder I pushed for a “traditional” celebration, the more my kids retreated.
The things most kids seemed to love—the loud gatherings, chaotic Eid carnivals, the stiff new clothes, the constant stream of guests—my kids avoided like the plague. It reached a breaking point when my children told me plainly: “I hate Eid.”
That was my wake-up call. We had to stop performing “fun” and start prioritizing our relationship with Allah. We began questioning every tradition, from the itchy lace to the massive feasts, and stripped everything back to the core meaning of the day. It’s not perfect, but here is how we’re transforming our family’s Eid from a day of meltdowns to a day of genuine connection.
Planning for Predictability
For an ADHD or autistic brain, the “surprises” of Eid are often just stressors. We’ve learned that the best way to reduce anxiety is to remove the unknown.
- The visual schedule: Whether you homeschool like we do or your kids are in school, a visual schedule is a lifesaver. We map out the day—from the moment we wake up in Mississauga to the time we finally crash—so all my kids know exactly what to expect.
- Self-care before the big day: Everything in life drains our battery a little, and getting through Eid, with its inevitable crowds and noise, can often leave us empty by the end of the day. That’s not a bad thing; the best things in life are draining! That means we’re using every part of ourselves to enjoy a moment. Our goal is to not have an empty battery before the end of the day. To help save our energy, we make sure to do everything we can in the days leading up to Eid to recharge and enter Eid ready for anything. That means making sure our clothes and bags are ready the night before, going to bed at a good time the night before, and making time to eat a nutritious meal in the morning. It can also mean taking time to work on special interests or relaxing activities the day before, and maybe packing some in our Eid bags in case we need a boost halfway through the day.
- Get some shut-eye: Being rested is key for a good Eid, so we do whatever we can to have a good night pre-Eid. When the kids were younger, naps were non-negotiable on Eid. We used to drive around long enough for them to get a full nap after the Eid salah before going to the grandparents’ house.
The Great Clothes Compromise
We used to prioritize the “Eid photo.” Now, we prioritize the sensory experience.
- Comfort-first style: If the traditional clothes are too scratchy, we don’t wear them. We look for soft cotton alternatives. I just learned there are Eid pyjamas! Most of the time, my girls wear either a cotton dress or a nice outfit similar to their daily clothes. My son puts a thobe on top of his regular clothes.
- The “Picture Window”: If we do wear fancy clothes, it’s only for the Eid prayer and a quick family photo. After that, everyone is encouraged to change into their “safe” clothes. A regulated child in a sweatshirt is better than a miserable child in silk.
Activities: Quality Over Crowd
We’ve learned to say no to the marathon of back-to-back social visits. It wasn’t easy to buck the cultural expectation, but it was necessary. We don’t go to Eid carnivals or any family events on Eid.
Our typical Eid schedule starts with breakfast, then Eid salah, sometimes back home for a short break or opportunity to change, then to their grandparents’ house. We go back home before dinner so that the kids have a chance to unwind before bed.
The getaway plan
The grandparents’ house is by far the most overwhelming part of the day, with all the cousins, aunts, uncles, and other extended family visiting at once. When we visit on non-Eid days, my autistic daughters often find a quiet room upstairs to retreat to when they need a break, but on Eid, the house gets too full for that. So we always have a plan and make sure the kids know their options. Here are some options we’ve offered in the past:
- Going for a walk around the neighbourhood with my husband or me
- Going to play in the backyard if the weather is nice (outdoors feels a lot less cramped than indoors)
- Putting on noise-cancelling headphones
- Reading a book
- Playing a two-player game with a sibling or just one other cousin
Simplifying the Gifts and Including the Kids
Instead of a mountain of plastic toys that add to the sensory clutter, we’ve shifted our gifting strategy.
We used to have all the adults buy gifts for all the kids. This resulted in a lot of gifts that each person would have to buy, and no one had time to put much thought into the gifts. The kids received too many gifts to know what to do with and felt overwhelmed just looking at them.
After talking to my daughters about it, I learned that what they really wanted was a single gift that was specially chosen for them, and most of all, they wanted to give a gift to someone. So we changed our whole system, and now we do a gift exchange, adults included. My kids look forward to drawing a name and thinking of the very best gift they can give that person. I don’t think they even think much about what people might get them.
Eid Recovery Day (… or Week)
This is the most important “tradition” we’ve started. The day after Eid is a hard reset.
- No demands: No visiting, no big chores, and definitely no “shoulds.” We stay in our pajamas, eat leftovers, and let everyone’s nervous system return to baseline.
- Validation: We talk about how much energy it took to navigate the day while also talking about the best moments. Autistic and ADHD people tend to shy away from things that drain energy, in an effort to protect ourselves. But it’s important to tie together these two ideas: something can be draining while also being worth doing. Celebrating the effort it took to be social is just as important as celebrating the holiday itself.
Reclaiming the Spirit of Eid
By stripping away the expectations of what Eid “should” look like, we finally found the spirit of it. Eid is about gratitude, family, and our connection to Allah. None of those things require us to be overwhelmed or overstimulated.
If your kids have ever told you they hate Eid, know that you aren’t a failure. It might just be a sign that it’s time to stop following the standard map and start drawing your own.